forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
