I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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