Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
