You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
