and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
