Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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