glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
