i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
