Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
