Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
