um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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