Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
