She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
