like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
