Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
