i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize