We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
