I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize