Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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