She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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