True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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