do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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