I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
