I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
