oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize