If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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