I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
