i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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