Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
