in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
