btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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