My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this just has baby written all over it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have fence marks all over my body
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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