Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
