its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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