o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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