Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
