I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
