and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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