I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
