Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
