I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
