this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
