Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
