I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
