Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
