oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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