remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
