if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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