she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
