I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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