paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
