ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
