also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need to align my fucking chakras
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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