ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
