her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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