as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
