Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
