Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
