Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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