Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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