i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
