Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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