It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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