Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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