i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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