he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
