bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
