fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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