Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
