if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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