so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think i have two assholes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
