He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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