Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
