To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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